Ascendance Holistic Healing

Inspiration Can Heal You

2010-05-30T10:08:00.000-07:00

How Creativity Feeds the Soul and Uplifts the Body

by Emily L. Butler

Nelida Tirado, internationally renowned Flamenco artist, opens up about the spiritual undercurrent of Flamenco, and how dancing rescues us when we least expect it.

Nelida Tirado steps onto the stage in a NYC club and silence swallows the room. Heads turn to watch the dancer, whose walk is part feminine sashay, part commander’s strut. Her shoes—heels studded with nails in the traditional Flamenco style of Spain—click to the center of the stage. She pauses. Tirado looks straight out to the audience—and tears into the floor with lightning-fast footwork. Her rhythm slows to a hypnotic pulse, her wrists twist elegant spirals and a guitar pierces the air. Tirado, who moves, according the New York Times, “as though her body were a medium for some unearthly force,” is transcendent.

Offstage, a few weeks later, Tirado is warm, fun and easy-going after a dance class near Union Square.

EB: It’s amazing how much you transform onstage. You radiate a larger-than-life energy that is so different from your everyday personality. Do you think of dance as a spiritual practice of sorts?

NT: Oh yeah, totally. In the last few years, I’ve been more focused on placement, on what the “shell” looks like as a dancer, but you want to be able let that go, so that your soul can dance, so that you can dance from the inside, and not be worried about the outside. Each person’s experience in this life has been different, so we [all] have something we want to say.

EB: Why do you think dancing feels so different in front of an audience, as opposed to being alone?

NT: That’s a great question, because at the end of the day, when I’m really dancing [in front of an audience], I do feel like I’m alone… but I know that I’m not alone.

EB: How does it feel going to the gym, as opposed to dancing? They’re both movement, right?

NT: (Laughs) That is a very good question! I’m not free, I can’t let myself go if I go to the gym—I’m not flying!

EB: Imagine your life with and without dance. What stands out as the main difference?

NT: Freedom. And [dance] gives me an outlet for expressing whatever I feel in that moment, and also a justification for feeling the way that I may feel in a certain sense, right or wrong or whatever.

EB: Explain what you mean about Flamenco giving you a “justification.”

NT: Maybe it’s because within Flamenco you can feel pissy, you can feel happy, you can feel angry, and it’s okay, because we’re humans, and that’s life today and tomorrow. So [in Flamenco] you can use that. If you’re feeling that way on any given day, you can vent through that, as opposed to hurting someone’s feelings or harming someone; almost as a form of therapy for yourself. I don’t think I would be able to be the same without that outlet to “talk.”

EB: Flamenco is unique from many other dance forms in the way it will embrace that darkness.

NT: The core [of Flamenco] is that the intention is organic. And you feel validated, no matter what you are feeling, even if it’s uncertainty. Everyone is always uncertain about something in their lives at some point. But that’s embraced [in Flamenco] as well, because that’s life, and tomorrow will be another day, and you have something to look forward to.

EB: So, you get to play out your whole range of emotions, rather than putting on a mask.

NT: That’s very important. That’s what Flamenco is about, first and foremost. And you will be much more respected as an artist who is pure with what you feel, because that’s you and that’s your entire being, from soul to shell. That will get you much more acknowledgement than if you put a mask on, or dance for some type of expectation.

EB: Flamenco seems to have a reverence for the whole human experience. Do you think that’s why Flamenco dancers last longer than those in other dance forms? There are fabulous Flamenco dancers in their 70s or older!

NT: Flamenco—oh yeah, yeah. Well, in general [the Spanish] view older people very differently than we do here. They’re much more cared for and respected because of their life experience, their knowledge and their wisdom. But I think that does translate, definitely, to what you say on stage as well. It gives you a maturity about your movement. As opposed to some of the technically stronger dancers—younger dancers—who may be brilliant, but who may not be able to be as expressive. That is one of the things that I love to watch about the older dancers.

EB. When internal richness is valued above all else, the result is that dancers of all sizes, ages and ethnicities can be appreciated, too.

NT: Right, [a dancer] doesn’t get turned away because they don’t look a certain way.

EB: Because the agreement is that it’s more than that?

NT: Mmm hmm, definitely.

EB: That is a really meaningful contribution to our world at this point, when so much is focused on age and looks.

NT: Yes, I think it’s amazing. And I don’t think I would want to have to dance another way. I did a little bit of the Broadway stuff years ago, but at some point I felt like (she gasps and grabs at her shirt) I needed to breathe. I felt that my voice was cut off by the predictability in it, and the “role” (miming quotes) I had to play.

EB: Historically, Flamenco seems to be about a way of life, expressing yourself for survival. You are a modern example of that.

NT: (Laughs.) I’m in my own process with that… It’s not the same as going to the gym…(laughs loudly). I’m really thinking about that now. What is it, that makes it different?

EB: Or, what motivated those first people to dance on a plank of wood with nails in their boots after a long day of physical labor!

NT: I do believe that there is a whole spiritual realm that is very present when you are dancing…always. I think sometimes it can be activated by the sound of…perhaps a strong beat, the sound of the guitar…something that we as humans respond to. Now, the how or what is different for everyone, but music is universal. There is something that people respond to when they hear a certain song… it may be feelings of peace or feelings of aggressiveness, but I think that it is human nature that we respond to it normally.

EB: How do you feel physically after a night performing?

NT: If it was a night with lots of jamming… I wake up the next day and I feel it. I wake up completely drained.

EB: Drained in a good way or a bad way?

NT: Drained in a good way! Drained in a way that feels like I dug from the bottom out. I feel (sighs) clear. Those are great days. They don’t always happen, but that’s also the magic of it. It’s so hard to explain. There is another plane of existence, besides what fits the material, and you can ride on that. Whatever it is.

EB: How do you explain your passion to people who aren’t dance lovers?

NT: I’ve spoken to people before from unrelated professions… and they’re like, “Why do you do that?” or, “That’s such a waste of time,” or, “I don’t really understand, what do you get out of that?” My goodness, I’m like, “Life! Life is what I get out of it—it’s what makes me deal with you easier, because you drive me bananas! So I’m gonna go dance!” I’m being silly (she keeps laughing), but you can’t explain why we feel that way when we’re dancing.

EB: Yes, dance has helped many of us get through tough times.

NT: Oh, without that, forget about it. It really has been my therapy. (She breaks into laughter again.) That’s why I tell my students who are going through a hard time personally, “Just come to class, just come to class.” For instance, you know that I work with disadvantaged children as part of a school program. Well, you wouldn’t believe how neglected, how mistreated some of them are… I just can’t believe it. And I go in there to teach them just some silly dance, and the change I see in them… (she starts to tear up)… you can’t believe how much it changes them. It’s something to watch, it’s amazing. And they think I’m their hero or something… when all I’m doing is just letting them dance. I’m just letting them dance.

Nelida Tirado performs live onstage, June 24, in Prospect Park, with the Buena Vista Social Club. For more information, visit NelidaTirado.com. Emily L. Butler is a creativity coach and holistic health educator based in NYC.

Little Gems with Big Promise: How Hidden Gifts Can Change Your Life

2010-05-19T11:43:00.001-07:00

Some of life’s quirky moments get infused with a mysterious mixture of timing and poignancy and against all odds, manage to stay etched upon our awareness forever. An interesting conversation I had with my Dad many years ago still lingers with me in that kind of vivid detail. When I recall that day and our conversation, I polish a gem of personal wisdom that applies to all of us, offering the promise of making our lives easier, better and more fulfilling. I’d like to pass this little gem on to you.

On a clear, blue-sky, blue-sea day in Florida, my father and I sat in matching deck chairs overlooking an inland waterway. The early morning calm, the sea taste in the air and the sun’s gentle touch seemed to create an alchemical magic that primed us for an intriguing exchange. “Hey, Dad,” I said unceremoniously, “what do you think I’m going to do with my life? I mean, what could I really be good at?” Even as the words escaped my mouth, my mind became entangled with doubt and insecurity.

“The thing you will do better than everyone else,” Dad began, “is the thing that will come to you so naturally, so easily,” he continued, with a casual flip of his hand, “that you will write it off as valueless.”

I swiveled to look at him. My brain cued to full attention.

“The very thing that will set you apart will be so easy,” he said, bearing down on the last word, “so effortless for you…,” he looked up at the sky with a wistful smile, “…that you will think, ‘Oh, this is no big deal, everyone can do this.’ But that, right there,” he emphasized with a little jab of his finger in the air, “will be the thing that you do better than anyone else.” I started to laugh as my Dad became the entertainer. “That,” he said, looking at me straight in the eyes, “is your real talent. That easy thing is really your greatest strength and your greatest gift.”

At the time, I knew my Dad’s advice was good, though it would take me years to realize it had been great. He uttered a truly universal human truth that day: Our greatest traits are often those that remain invisible to us, because they come through us with such a natural, unhindered flow.

As a society, we tend to value only that which requires struggle. We seem to have collectively absorbed the idea that sweat and strain produce the best results, while we remain mistrustful of relaxed gain and easy success.

How remarkable it is, then, that our most beautiful “work” often comes haphazardly, with no apparent or intended effort. Maybe we have a knack for inspiring children, organizing chaos, speaking perfect words to a friend in grief, fixing anything we touch, dreaming up incredible travel ideas, encouraging cooperation, seeing the big picture or peeling off a dozen creative ideas for someone else without blinking. And we are baffled when someone makes a huge, complimentary fuss over us while we are “just doing nothing.”

The gem in this for all of us is the impetus to start examining our moments of real ease to see if we are in the presence of overlooked brilliance. The next time you are complimented for “no reason,” stop and think. You might discover a new career possibility, an easier solution to a problem, or perhaps just some much needed self-appreciation. As you start to organize your life around your natural gifts, it just might happen that the easy thing will become the ticket to your success, confidence and ultimate happiness.

This piece has appeared in Natural Awakenings NYC, and the Moments Count Journal. Thanks guys!

Claim the Power, Not the Guilt:

2010-04-07T11:37:00.000-07:00

Healing With Grace and Compassion

I’d like to take a moment to offer some sympathy and relief to anyone who has ever been made to feel guilty about their health problems due to a certain New Age “this is your fault” mentality. Eek! My question is: do we really have to take the “blame” for our problems in order to claim our power?

I think NOT. Reclaiming our power and taking the blame are two separate issues, and I want to put that out there because I think blame attitudes are not only hurtful, they are incredibly UN-helpful on the path to healing.

When someone has a problem, sure, their habits contributed to the issue, but if they knew another way to be—they wouldn’t be that way! In other words, their habits and complex life experiences may have contributed to the condition, but that doesn’t make it their fault.

Donna Eden, author of the best-selling book “Energy Medicine” once made a comment on the topic that stayed with me. She said,

“Your illness is Not your fault, but your healing IS your responsibility.”

I remember hearing that at the time, and feeling the words sink into my heart. Donna’s comment acknowledges that while we have tremendous power to heal ourselves, we don’t need to feel guilty about “causing” an illness we would have never consciously elected to have.

Lets think of another example that doesn’t involve illness to illustrate the point. Say you have a ten year-old boy who is just learning to ride a bike, and he’s stressed about it. You want to encourage that kid that he WILL be able to ride that bike, that riding a bike it easy once you get the hang of it, that his body was MADE to do this. You keep encouraging him, no matter how much he falls, you tell him this is normal, and that he is doing great.

Of course you don’t ask the boy “why didn’t you start learning how to ride a bike when you were three?” or tell him he’s way behind his classmates. Telling him that his bike is in bad shape, or that he’s a little old to be using training wheels isn’t going to help. After he falls off once, you don’t say, “Hey, riding a bike is so easy. Humans are made to do this? Why can’t you?!”

It seems cruel to talk to a child this way, yet some people in healthcare will take a similarly guilt-centered approach with their clients. Now the individual not only has a health problem, they have a draining guilt-complex to go with it. Not fair! And not helpful!

When a person has unhealthy habits, it is likely that they learned some of those habits as a tiny child before they knew any better or any differently. Likewise, the habits we form as adults usually arise from an attempt to adapt, survive and cope with our stresses as best as we can. We are all doing out best, and we ALL can use help sometimes in sorting ourselves out. There need be no shame in that.

So if you could visualize a person who needs healing like that little boy on a bike, you might discover, metaphorically speaking, that that child never had a backyard growing up in which to ride a bike, that perhaps his father didn’t know how to ride a bike himself so he never tried to find ways to teach his son, but that this brave child, at any age he is, is stepping up to the plate to try to do something no one in his family has done. Looked at from that angle, this child is really a hero!

When a client comes to me with a source of discomfort, this is the way I like to see them. I see them as a brave soul, doing the best they can with what they have experienced in their life. Then the fun comes when they start learning how much healing power they have hidden away in their bodies! They are amazed when they discover how they can use simple techniques to vastly change their health, their moods, their hang-ups, and their entire relationship to life.

Learning you can heal yourself is a landmark experience. You get a sense of hopeful empowerment that is so much more healing than guilt motivation, and you never want to go back.

As human beings, we have an infinite, in-born capacity to change, grow and heal. And when we step up to the plate for healing, we all deserve respect and compassion.

With love and encouragement,

Emily